splodgenoodles: (Default)
I really did enjoy that book! It was pitched at just the right level for me. And he does also interweave it with personal experiences and observations in a very appealing and skilful way. Not too academic, not too populist. The porridge was juuust right.

In other news: I sprained my right foot on Saturday night. It's coming good quite quickly though. I put a compression bandage on as soon as I realised it wasn't just a twist, fastidiously kept it elevated yesterday and overnight and in a slightly more half-arsed way today. I'm now down to one crutch, but moving around in such a careful, restrained way is kind of tiring in itself, so I'm not moving much.

It all happenned because on Saturday evening at dinnertime I was actually feeling well enough to risk eating out - so we did. And then I miscalculated the depth of a step in the restaurant and that was it. Fortunately this happenned just as we were leaving, so dinner out was not compromised in any way. :-)

~~~

I go in for my second infusion for the clinical trial this Wednesday, and at the moment I am reasonably confident that I can comply with all the requirements of this trial and therefore be eligible to participate in the long-term, open-label trial which is the one that has the potential to really make a difference to my life.

~~~

My heart-rate monitor has arrived, more on that soon. But I did reach ~120BPM while sitting upright in a restaurant. No wonder I'm buggered all the time.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
I really did enjoy that book! It was pitched at just the right level for me. And he does also interweave it with personal experiences and observations in a very appealing and skilful way. Not too academic, not too populist. The porridge was juuust right.

In other news: I sprained my right foot on Saturday night. It's coming good quite quickly though. I put a compression bandage on as soon as I realised it wasn't just a twist, fastidiously kept it elevated yesterday and overnight and in a slightly more half-arsed way today. I'm now down to one crutch, but moving around in such a careful, restrained way is kind of tiring in itself, so I'm not moving much.

It all happenned because on Saturday evening at dinnertime I was actually feeling well enough to risk eating out - so we did. And then I miscalculated the depth of a step in the restaurant and that was it. Fortunately this happenned just as we were leaving, so dinner out was not compromised in any way. :-)

~~~

I go in for my second infusion for the clinical trial this Wednesday, and at the moment I am reasonably confident that I can comply with all the requirements of this trial and therefore be eligible to participate in the long-term, open-label trial which is the one that has the potential to really make a difference to my life.

~~~

My heart-rate monitor has arrived, more on that soon. But I did reach ~120BPM while sitting upright in a restaurant. No wonder I'm buggered all the time.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
As weirdly avid readers may be aware, [livejournal.com profile] tenbears has been shuffling furniture around the place at my request and I have once again discovered that in order to tidy up, sometimes you have to make a bigger mess first.

I am still surrounded by Piles O'Crap(TM) but [livejournal.com profile] tenbears has reassembled the Noodle Communication Centre (ie: lifted necessary tables into position), cleared a path to same, and the floor rug is down. It's funny how much better I feel with the floor rug down.

Can now recommence normal lifestyle and deal with remaining Piles O'Crap(TM) and logical rearrangement as spoons allow. For all the ongoing chaos, great advances have been made. I can now lie down in comfort and stare out at the yard *at the same time*, am not feeling cloistered and stuck in a dim, dark corner, am feeling like mistress of my own domain.

Can now see people as they walk onto the verandah.

~~~~

[livejournal.com profile] tenbears has been a veritable sewing-bear. He's been repairing stuff and has also turned an old pair of pants into a pair of long shorts. Seriously, for all the training I received in the craft on account of having a uterus, I'll never match him. He knows how to put things together and that's what really makes the difference. All a machine does is give you a quick way to make it happen.

Now all I have to do is convince him he'd like to make stuff for me....I wonder if try this before or after I convince him that he'd really like to keep chickens.

~~~~

It should be a while before I get anything else productive done. In other words, I have a great urge to do stuff but I'm crashing, I can feel it and I know I should stop. Heart rate is up and arms are shaky. I'm flaking out, then hauling myself up to do some little thing that surely isn't a big deal, then crashing out again. Tired but wired, as they say. I think a small amount of diazepam is called for, to cut through the hyperness.

Aaargh, care! )
~~~

Oh and I've decided I want new curtains of a lighter hue and probably retro. And cheerful rather than rich. Rich was okay when I was young and looking for things that felt old and important. Now I feel old and gnarly but much more like I have a right to be here so I just want yellow daisies, metaphorically speaking.

~~~

PS: InsideCat is unimpressed with the changes and is sniffing and poking around with an air of disapproval and occasional meows of complaint. A small amount of therapeutic chicken will soon be applied.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
As weirdly avid readers may be aware, [livejournal.com profile] tenbears has been shuffling furniture around the place at my request and I have once again discovered that in order to tidy up, sometimes you have to make a bigger mess first.

I am still surrounded by Piles O'Crap(TM) but [livejournal.com profile] tenbears has reassembled the Noodle Communication Centre (ie: lifted necessary tables into position), cleared a path to same, and the floor rug is down. It's funny how much better I feel with the floor rug down.

Can now recommence normal lifestyle and deal with remaining Piles O'Crap(TM) and logical rearrangement as spoons allow. For all the ongoing chaos, great advances have been made. I can now lie down in comfort and stare out at the yard *at the same time*, am not feeling cloistered and stuck in a dim, dark corner, am feeling like mistress of my own domain.

Can now see people as they walk onto the verandah.

~~~~

[livejournal.com profile] tenbears has been a veritable sewing-bear. He's been repairing stuff and has also turned an old pair of pants into a pair of long shorts. Seriously, for all the training I received in the craft on account of having a uterus, I'll never match him. He knows how to put things together and that's what really makes the difference. All a machine does is give you a quick way to make it happen.

Now all I have to do is convince him he'd like to make stuff for me....I wonder if try this before or after I convince him that he'd really like to keep chickens.

~~~~

It should be a while before I get anything else productive done. In other words, I have a great urge to do stuff but I'm crashing, I can feel it and I know I should stop. Heart rate is up and arms are shaky. I'm flaking out, then hauling myself up to do some little thing that surely isn't a big deal, then crashing out again. Tired but wired, as they say. I think a small amount of diazepam is called for, to cut through the hyperness.

Aaargh, care! )
~~~

Oh and I've decided I want new curtains of a lighter hue and probably retro. And cheerful rather than rich. Rich was okay when I was young and looking for things that felt old and important. Now I feel old and gnarly but much more like I have a right to be here so I just want yellow daisies, metaphorically speaking.

~~~

PS: InsideCat is unimpressed with the changes and is sniffing and poking around with an air of disapproval and occasional meows of complaint. A small amount of therapeutic chicken will soon be applied.
splodgenoodles: (Lock stock stoner eyes)
The urge is to go out and spend money on yarn.

I don't *need* to, I just *want* to.

I do, in fact, have plenty to be going on with and suspect that my sense that nothing I *could* go on with is worth doing is probably more about wanting to shop and spend money than anything else.

Last night it was books. There are a few books I'd love to have right now - this business of the use of optics by assorted Old Masters still has my brain buzzing. I'm also aware that David Hockney has a way of talking about painting that really works for me, and has me appreciating and noticing things I'd not been able to grasp before, so I'm now lusting after his book of conversations about art.

I overcame that urge by moving away from Amazon and its oh-so-browseable database and looking for stuff through other channels. Still want the books in question, but going to the trouble of comparing prices and looking for local sources has the curious effect of making one sensible and less impulsive. MMmmm. Amazon definitely have got something right.

Oh and let's not forget my commitment to reading five books before I bought any more. I'm still working on my fourth. And I did buy one more book anyway, but it doesn't count because really, it's a reference book and everyone should have a good collection of reference books.

(It'sA History Of Art by H.W.Janson, if you must know. Definitely not a book for sitting down and reading, something you occasionally use to look stuff up in and I really mean that, this from a woman who occasionally reads random pages in the dictionary.)

~~~

The urge to spend has arisen because I've been thinking about how we really ought to be a bit more frugal and wouldn't it be nice to be saving money and all that.

Backfires every time.

It's not so much the saving money, as not spending it on stuff we don't actually care about. Which gets me thinking about things I'd like to have around the place.

Especially irrational is that there's a couple of things I decided to buy, quite a while ago now, that I've not actually bought because of my fear of spending all that money all at once. These are things that we have agreed they are good and sensible purchases that will make life more comfy, but as it involves parting with a chunk of cash all at once I keep putting it off and getting nervous. Yet it would only take a couple of impulse sessions like the two I have just resisted to spend the same amount of money.

Which is not to say the two impulsive spending sessions I just avoided are for things that I won't buy eventually, it's just about making sure I don't also buy a bundle of extras I don't want (but it's oh-so-easy to throw them in) and that I get them at a good price and that I do get what I actually want. And that I get things when I will use them, not two years in advance with the possibility that between now and then my interests will have changed.


~~~

I was recently asked where I would travel if I could and I'd just like to say it's proven to be a jolly question to think about, even if I never actually post the answer.

~~~

My brain is absolute porridge at the moment, has been for a while now and I've given up expecting it to be any different in the near future. In fact, shopping is out of the question because I couldn't think my way out of a paper bag at the moment, much less make decisions while standing in a public place. No idea of how I'm going to get out of this mess - I suspect I can't. The illness will wax and wane as it so chooses.
splodgenoodles: (Lock stock stoner eyes)
The urge is to go out and spend money on yarn.

I don't *need* to, I just *want* to.

I do, in fact, have plenty to be going on with and suspect that my sense that nothing I *could* go on with is worth doing is probably more about wanting to shop and spend money than anything else.

Last night it was books. There are a few books I'd love to have right now - this business of the use of optics by assorted Old Masters still has my brain buzzing. I'm also aware that David Hockney has a way of talking about painting that really works for me, and has me appreciating and noticing things I'd not been able to grasp before, so I'm now lusting after his book of conversations about art.

I overcame that urge by moving away from Amazon and its oh-so-browseable database and looking for stuff through other channels. Still want the books in question, but going to the trouble of comparing prices and looking for local sources has the curious effect of making one sensible and less impulsive. MMmmm. Amazon definitely have got something right.

Oh and let's not forget my commitment to reading five books before I bought any more. I'm still working on my fourth. And I did buy one more book anyway, but it doesn't count because really, it's a reference book and everyone should have a good collection of reference books.

(It'sA History Of Art by H.W.Janson, if you must know. Definitely not a book for sitting down and reading, something you occasionally use to look stuff up in and I really mean that, this from a woman who occasionally reads random pages in the dictionary.)

~~~

The urge to spend has arisen because I've been thinking about how we really ought to be a bit more frugal and wouldn't it be nice to be saving money and all that.

Backfires every time.

It's not so much the saving money, as not spending it on stuff we don't actually care about. Which gets me thinking about things I'd like to have around the place.

Especially irrational is that there's a couple of things I decided to buy, quite a while ago now, that I've not actually bought because of my fear of spending all that money all at once. These are things that we have agreed they are good and sensible purchases that will make life more comfy, but as it involves parting with a chunk of cash all at once I keep putting it off and getting nervous. Yet it would only take a couple of impulse sessions like the two I have just resisted to spend the same amount of money.

Which is not to say the two impulsive spending sessions I just avoided are for things that I won't buy eventually, it's just about making sure I don't also buy a bundle of extras I don't want (but it's oh-so-easy to throw them in) and that I get them at a good price and that I do get what I actually want. And that I get things when I will use them, not two years in advance with the possibility that between now and then my interests will have changed.


~~~

I was recently asked where I would travel if I could and I'd just like to say it's proven to be a jolly question to think about, even if I never actually post the answer.

~~~

My brain is absolute porridge at the moment, has been for a while now and I've given up expecting it to be any different in the near future. In fact, shopping is out of the question because I couldn't think my way out of a paper bag at the moment, much less make decisions while standing in a public place. No idea of how I'm going to get out of this mess - I suspect I can't. The illness will wax and wane as it so chooses.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] tenbears and I went a little crazy and tidied up some house yesterday. We even made a few sensible decisions about furniture placement and such. This was great, but I'm feeling it today. Am off to lie in the bath for a really long time I think.

~~~~

I do need something other than knitting and crochet in my life. Having said that, doing one or the other with an audio book isn't a bad way to spend a few hours. But it's not something I'll throw myself into the way I did when, for example, I first realised just how much satisfaction I was getting out of LJ a few years ago. (That was when I had one of those moments where you think "I could go really crazy with this...would that be a good idea or a bad idea?" Followed by "Well fuck, why not try it and see what happens?" So for a while there, I jumped right in and blogged to the nth degree and had a whale of time and got much personal satisfaction from the whole thing, on a whole bunch of levels. But the point is, that's not what's happenning with handcrafts. It's something I like as an adjunct to other things. If all I do in a day is knit, I get kind of cranky and weird.)

I've realised I don't like putting dates on when I start and finish projects, because then I find myself contemplating how much of my life has just gone into this or that little project and I spiral downhill into existential angst. I've also observed that a lot of the satisfaction I get is the challenge of learning rather than the process itself.

~~~~

I can feel one of those life stocktakes coming on.

~~~~

I have been keeping a sleep diary for my forthcoming sleep study. They give you the questionnaire with all the dates filled in for a fortnight. You just fill in the little boxes every day. This all sounds straightforward but I am somehow a day ahead. And I did start on the right day...oh well.

~~~~

But getting back to the yarn stuff that I'm totally not obsessed with, I'm amazed at how quickly one builds up a yarn stash. It's like it breeds. And I will confess that while I'm realising I don't get joy from knitting every damn day (and am making a point of not doing so because it's not really wise anyway), I really enjoy ogling my stash.

How fucked up is that? Thank god I blog under a pseudonym.

~~~~

Oh and I think I had a positive personal epiphany last night with bonus momentary sense of connection to Something Greater and no, there was no sex or masturbation involved (nor intense sublimation of same).

Memo to self: allow this to happen more often.

~~~~

Anyway, I'm off to frot some wool then go have a much needed bath. I'm a bit worried that I'm starting to become one of those recluses who smell funny.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] tenbears and I went a little crazy and tidied up some house yesterday. We even made a few sensible decisions about furniture placement and such. This was great, but I'm feeling it today. Am off to lie in the bath for a really long time I think.

~~~~

I do need something other than knitting and crochet in my life. Having said that, doing one or the other with an audio book isn't a bad way to spend a few hours. But it's not something I'll throw myself into the way I did when, for example, I first realised just how much satisfaction I was getting out of LJ a few years ago. (That was when I had one of those moments where you think "I could go really crazy with this...would that be a good idea or a bad idea?" Followed by "Well fuck, why not try it and see what happens?" So for a while there, I jumped right in and blogged to the nth degree and had a whale of time and got much personal satisfaction from the whole thing, on a whole bunch of levels. But the point is, that's not what's happenning with handcrafts. It's something I like as an adjunct to other things. If all I do in a day is knit, I get kind of cranky and weird.)

I've realised I don't like putting dates on when I start and finish projects, because then I find myself contemplating how much of my life has just gone into this or that little project and I spiral downhill into existential angst. I've also observed that a lot of the satisfaction I get is the challenge of learning rather than the process itself.

~~~~

I can feel one of those life stocktakes coming on.

~~~~

I have been keeping a sleep diary for my forthcoming sleep study. They give you the questionnaire with all the dates filled in for a fortnight. You just fill in the little boxes every day. This all sounds straightforward but I am somehow a day ahead. And I did start on the right day...oh well.

~~~~

But getting back to the yarn stuff that I'm totally not obsessed with, I'm amazed at how quickly one builds up a yarn stash. It's like it breeds. And I will confess that while I'm realising I don't get joy from knitting every damn day (and am making a point of not doing so because it's not really wise anyway), I really enjoy ogling my stash.

How fucked up is that? Thank god I blog under a pseudonym.

~~~~

Oh and I think I had a positive personal epiphany last night with bonus momentary sense of connection to Something Greater and no, there was no sex or masturbation involved (nor intense sublimation of same).

Memo to self: allow this to happen more often.

~~~~

Anyway, I'm off to frot some wool then go have a much needed bath. I'm a bit worried that I'm starting to become one of those recluses who smell funny.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Today has been a bath day, I'm in recovery from a delightful Saturday spent out on the river to celebrate a birthday with [livejournal.com profile] sjkasabi and the usual crowd of suspects - and a now defictionalised [livejournal.com profile] enrobso. Yay!

~~~

Today I have also found myself getting very concerned about some bananas we have here at the House Of Bear And Noodle.

I am concerned because that these bananas came pre-packed. "What's the problem?" I hear you ask, "bananas have always come packed. It's called peel and when you want several at once, you grab the ones that are attached in a thing called a bunch."

But no. While I am happy to say these ones still had peel, they've been taken apart and put into a specially designed box, side by side, with clever arrangements of cardboard to stop them slipping about in the box or falling out, and an inordinant amount of writing on the box to explain why these bananas - and their box - are so innovative.

These are, in fact, eco-bananas grown by eco-ganic methods. And they come in an eco-punnet. It is an eco-punnet because it is recyclable and because packing things in cardboard is better than packing the bananas in plastic (and if you need me to explain the stupidity of this, please read what you said to me two paragraphs ago about peels and bunches).

Oh and they've been dipped in bright red wax too, apparently it extends their 'shelf life' but given the number of newly-minted words on this box containing the syllable "eco", I am disinclined to believe this. Or rather, disinclined to believe it's being done for my benefit, given that although they look all happily just-yellow and edible, they are all kind of squishy to touch.

~~~

In other news, while I'm clearly in recovery mode after a big day out, I slept like a log last night which is most unusual and quite heartening. Exertion is nearly always followed by insomnia, so I'm taking this as a good sign.

Throat's sore. With that plus the usual other signs I'm expecting to be pretty buggered tomorrow. However I've only got two fairly small tasks that must be done (phone calls) so I think I'll be okay by Tuesday night, which is when we are next hoping I'll be well enough to go forth into the world.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Today has been a bath day, I'm in recovery from a delightful Saturday spent out on the river to celebrate a birthday with [livejournal.com profile] sjkasabi and the usual crowd of suspects - and a now defictionalised [livejournal.com profile] enrobso. Yay!

~~~

Today I have also found myself getting very concerned about some bananas we have here at the House Of Bear And Noodle.

I am concerned because that these bananas came pre-packed. "What's the problem?" I hear you ask, "bananas have always come packed. It's called peel and when you want several at once, you grab the ones that are attached in a thing called a bunch."

But no. While I am happy to say these ones still had peel, they've been taken apart and put into a specially designed box, side by side, with clever arrangements of cardboard to stop them slipping about in the box or falling out, and an inordinant amount of writing on the box to explain why these bananas - and their box - are so innovative.

These are, in fact, eco-bananas grown by eco-ganic methods. And they come in an eco-punnet. It is an eco-punnet because it is recyclable and because packing things in cardboard is better than packing the bananas in plastic (and if you need me to explain the stupidity of this, please read what you said to me two paragraphs ago about peels and bunches).

Oh and they've been dipped in bright red wax too, apparently it extends their 'shelf life' but given the number of newly-minted words on this box containing the syllable "eco", I am disinclined to believe this. Or rather, disinclined to believe it's being done for my benefit, given that although they look all happily just-yellow and edible, they are all kind of squishy to touch.

~~~

In other news, while I'm clearly in recovery mode after a big day out, I slept like a log last night which is most unusual and quite heartening. Exertion is nearly always followed by insomnia, so I'm taking this as a good sign.

Throat's sore. With that plus the usual other signs I'm expecting to be pretty buggered tomorrow. However I've only got two fairly small tasks that must be done (phone calls) so I think I'll be okay by Tuesday night, which is when we are next hoping I'll be well enough to go forth into the world.

Wednesday.

Jan. 9th, 2008 09:24 pm
splodgenoodles: (Lock stock stoner eyes)
Cripes I'm buggered.

Outdid myself today, did I what.

Didn't have any lunch on account of not being well organised.

Tonight I Have handed over responsibility for deciding what I will eat to 10B. Usually I have an opinion but I'm too buggered.

~~~


Today I went a lot further with Bazza than I have before(oo er!) and in the sun too. And on an empty stomach with not enough fluids in me either. And in the peak hour crowd, not that that means a whole lot round here really.

And looking back now, did get a bit out of it at one point, and kind of forgot how to properly drive Bazza, nearly caroomed into a fence.

OTOH, in the last couple of days have got many things done so even if I'm crap tomorrow it's been a good week.

Have decided to copy local pages of Melways to keep in scooter bag. It's not that I don't mind finding my own way round (in fact I enjoy an exploratory stroll) but today I did find myself marvelling at just how long the distance was between point A and point B, and wanting to check it against my energy levels.

~~~

We have a bad smell in the living room and can't find the cause.

~~~

I am enjoying(is that the right word) reading The Poisonwood Bible although I do feel the character of Nathan is a bit of a cardboard cut-out. I suppose people like him only exist as stereotype rightwing Christian Americans, although since the arrival of the internet it's been astonishing to find how many people of that sort of narrow outlook really do seem to exist. I was never quite sure before, I kind of assumed maybe they sort of did somewhere - or maybe they were literary/media creations. I should have known better - Reagan and the Moral Majority were in the papers when I was a teenager. I guess I did know better, but part of me still held that people like that couldn't...really...exist...could they? Really...?

Or something. I've been in the sun too long.

Wednesday.

Jan. 9th, 2008 09:24 pm
splodgenoodles: (Lock stock stoner eyes)
Cripes I'm buggered.

Outdid myself today, did I what.

Didn't have any lunch on account of not being well organised.

Tonight I Have handed over responsibility for deciding what I will eat to 10B. Usually I have an opinion but I'm too buggered.

~~~


Today I went a lot further with Bazza than I have before(oo er!) and in the sun too. And on an empty stomach with not enough fluids in me either. And in the peak hour crowd, not that that means a whole lot round here really.

And looking back now, did get a bit out of it at one point, and kind of forgot how to properly drive Bazza, nearly caroomed into a fence.

OTOH, in the last couple of days have got many things done so even if I'm crap tomorrow it's been a good week.

Have decided to copy local pages of Melways to keep in scooter bag. It's not that I don't mind finding my own way round (in fact I enjoy an exploratory stroll) but today I did find myself marvelling at just how long the distance was between point A and point B, and wanting to check it against my energy levels.

~~~

We have a bad smell in the living room and can't find the cause.

~~~

I am enjoying(is that the right word) reading The Poisonwood Bible although I do feel the character of Nathan is a bit of a cardboard cut-out. I suppose people like him only exist as stereotype rightwing Christian Americans, although since the arrival of the internet it's been astonishing to find how many people of that sort of narrow outlook really do seem to exist. I was never quite sure before, I kind of assumed maybe they sort of did somewhere - or maybe they were literary/media creations. I should have known better - Reagan and the Moral Majority were in the papers when I was a teenager. I guess I did know better, but part of me still held that people like that couldn't...really...exist...could they? Really...?

Or something. I've been in the sun too long.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
I had this flickr account but I've forgotten my username and can't find myself. I don't know who I am anymore! Heheh.

Oh dear.

I felt really well yesterday. And I got up early! I'd gone to bed unusually early the night before and had a surprisingly good sleep.

Unfortunately I couldn't quite repeat it last night, turns out I was a bit wired which was kind of annoying because I _really_ had not noticed during the day. With CFS, usually you can kind of tell that you're a bit hyper. A sense of benign wellbeing is not what I would call 'tired but wired'.

Anyway, on realising this, I elected to take diazepem quite early in proceedings rather than be a martyr and wait until 3 or 4 AM and be a zombie today. So today I'm not feeling too bad, all things considered.

~~~~

In my angst ridden youth I often used to mutter that I felt like I was living on the wrong planet and it's more or less confirmed now, because even though I like to think I'm living in benign dotage, I live to something like a 30 hour cycle. Oh and the years are too short and I could do with a bit more rain and maybe a ray-gun.

~~~~

I am aware I've probably got the capacity to get a few things done today, but am a bit plagued by my inability to focus. I am oscillating between mellow and kernickety/frustrated.

So I'm doing bits and pieces here and there and trying not to think about the general lack of thinginess that marks my time on this earth.

Probably time to ease up on the coffee.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
I had this flickr account but I've forgotten my username and can't find myself. I don't know who I am anymore! Heheh.

Oh dear.

I felt really well yesterday. And I got up early! I'd gone to bed unusually early the night before and had a surprisingly good sleep.

Unfortunately I couldn't quite repeat it last night, turns out I was a bit wired which was kind of annoying because I _really_ had not noticed during the day. With CFS, usually you can kind of tell that you're a bit hyper. A sense of benign wellbeing is not what I would call 'tired but wired'.

Anyway, on realising this, I elected to take diazepem quite early in proceedings rather than be a martyr and wait until 3 or 4 AM and be a zombie today. So today I'm not feeling too bad, all things considered.

~~~~

In my angst ridden youth I often used to mutter that I felt like I was living on the wrong planet and it's more or less confirmed now, because even though I like to think I'm living in benign dotage, I live to something like a 30 hour cycle. Oh and the years are too short and I could do with a bit more rain and maybe a ray-gun.

~~~~

I am aware I've probably got the capacity to get a few things done today, but am a bit plagued by my inability to focus. I am oscillating between mellow and kernickety/frustrated.

So I'm doing bits and pieces here and there and trying not to think about the general lack of thinginess that marks my time on this earth.

Probably time to ease up on the coffee.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Today I ate my first asparagus spear for the season. Garden's looking good but dry on account of there being fuck all rain, and we've had a few glitches with the greywater system so it's not yet functional. (Soon, hopefully. Two of the four lengths of hose are down, once it's working I'll test drive those two lengths for a few days I think, before 10B and Friend lay the rest.)

White nectarine is in blossom and looking very cute. It's only about three feet high. I'm afraid my photographic skills don't really do it justice.


White nectarine in bloom. White nectarine in bloom.



It's actually a mauvey-pink. Surprisngly pretty for a tree selected for fruit rather than flower.

And I've smelt daphne on the breeze twice now, both times at night. Whenever I smell daphne it's like a little radar thing goes haywire in my head and I have a hard time not following the scent to its source just so I can stick my face in it. Imagine that, going outside one morning to find _me_ in your yard with my head in your daphne bush. It could be quite alarming, I'm really not a morning person. (If it ever does happen, just be sure to bring me a nice cup of strong black tea before you try and engage me in conversation and/or ask me to leave. I get ever so cranky in the mornings if I don't have my tea. And none of that lapsang soochong crap either, smells like dirty bandages.)

~~~~

Done quite a bit lately, do not appear to be any the worse for it.

Had a spiffing time with [livejournal.com profile] tabouli yesterday. A great person for a good blather about everything and anything. The sort of converationalist that makes you think you really must get around to learning how to write (you know... properly and stuff), and maybe have more conversations too.

I also knitted a lot yesterday, so I'm being rather careful with my right arm today...oww! Amazing how it's the hand and arm that moves the least that gets the most sore. OTOH, really getting a buzz out of doing this. A ridiculously buzzy buzz, just from knitting a blanket mostly in plain old knit stitch. I don't quite know why I'm getting such a buzz, but I'm running with it anyway. It could be the delight of creativity, perhaps it's the zen buzz of enlightenment arising from the rhythmic repitition of the work, but I suspect it's more likely that as you age, your erogenous zones move to really weird places.

The next time an aging relative gives you a blanket of crocheted granny squares, it might be best to forget you ever read that.

Thursday night we had dinner with Mum-in-law for her birthday at a restaurant I haven't been to for about two years at least, on account of my lousy health, so we were pretty pleased about the three of us being there. It's a nice place - a modest, unfashionably cosy, Italian/continental type place which is pretty cheap given how good it is. It's always been reliably good and sometimes *really* good, the chef wanders out late in the night to check everything's good enough (which it always is) and to say hi, and the waiting staff are nice too. And I got profiteroles for dessert, woo!

Dunno if I mentioned, but I even made it to yum cha last Sunday, bought a few things in town afterwards (including more yarn for another project). This is, of course, on top of going to the country the week before.

I'm now at the point where I assume I can make it to things rather than not (I'm not always right, but I'm not wrong so often that it gets me down). I'm budgeting for about two to three trips out a week (or the same amount of effort round the house), but I'm finding I often can manage a couple of short walks too (the post office mainly). And I'm managing to do some paperwork that really needs doing as well.

I might find I've got enough on my plate soon because people will insist on being born in springtime, not to mention insist on getting married when the weather's good, as well as engaging in sociable activities in general, and as well as those I've got medical and personal affairs type stuff to be dealt with too, but given where I've been the last 2 years I know it could be a whole lot worse - I'll just have to remember that last fact when I'm overloaded but have so many *more* things I want or need to do.


And now, the famous medical stuff! )
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Today I ate my first asparagus spear for the season. Garden's looking good but dry on account of there being fuck all rain, and we've had a few glitches with the greywater system so it's not yet functional. (Soon, hopefully. Two of the four lengths of hose are down, once it's working I'll test drive those two lengths for a few days I think, before 10B and Friend lay the rest.)

White nectarine is in blossom and looking very cute. It's only about three feet high. I'm afraid my photographic skills don't really do it justice.


White nectarine in bloom. White nectarine in bloom.



It's actually a mauvey-pink. Surprisngly pretty for a tree selected for fruit rather than flower.

And I've smelt daphne on the breeze twice now, both times at night. Whenever I smell daphne it's like a little radar thing goes haywire in my head and I have a hard time not following the scent to its source just so I can stick my face in it. Imagine that, going outside one morning to find _me_ in your yard with my head in your daphne bush. It could be quite alarming, I'm really not a morning person. (If it ever does happen, just be sure to bring me a nice cup of strong black tea before you try and engage me in conversation and/or ask me to leave. I get ever so cranky in the mornings if I don't have my tea. And none of that lapsang soochong crap either, smells like dirty bandages.)

~~~~

Done quite a bit lately, do not appear to be any the worse for it.

Had a spiffing time with [livejournal.com profile] tabouli yesterday. A great person for a good blather about everything and anything. The sort of converationalist that makes you think you really must get around to learning how to write (you know... properly and stuff), and maybe have more conversations too.

I also knitted a lot yesterday, so I'm being rather careful with my right arm today...oww! Amazing how it's the hand and arm that moves the least that gets the most sore. OTOH, really getting a buzz out of doing this. A ridiculously buzzy buzz, just from knitting a blanket mostly in plain old knit stitch. I don't quite know why I'm getting such a buzz, but I'm running with it anyway. It could be the delight of creativity, perhaps it's the zen buzz of enlightenment arising from the rhythmic repitition of the work, but I suspect it's more likely that as you age, your erogenous zones move to really weird places.

The next time an aging relative gives you a blanket of crocheted granny squares, it might be best to forget you ever read that.

Thursday night we had dinner with Mum-in-law for her birthday at a restaurant I haven't been to for about two years at least, on account of my lousy health, so we were pretty pleased about the three of us being there. It's a nice place - a modest, unfashionably cosy, Italian/continental type place which is pretty cheap given how good it is. It's always been reliably good and sometimes *really* good, the chef wanders out late in the night to check everything's good enough (which it always is) and to say hi, and the waiting staff are nice too. And I got profiteroles for dessert, woo!

Dunno if I mentioned, but I even made it to yum cha last Sunday, bought a few things in town afterwards (including more yarn for another project). This is, of course, on top of going to the country the week before.

I'm now at the point where I assume I can make it to things rather than not (I'm not always right, but I'm not wrong so often that it gets me down). I'm budgeting for about two to three trips out a week (or the same amount of effort round the house), but I'm finding I often can manage a couple of short walks too (the post office mainly). And I'm managing to do some paperwork that really needs doing as well.

I might find I've got enough on my plate soon because people will insist on being born in springtime, not to mention insist on getting married when the weather's good, as well as engaging in sociable activities in general, and as well as those I've got medical and personal affairs type stuff to be dealt with too, but given where I've been the last 2 years I know it could be a whole lot worse - I'll just have to remember that last fact when I'm overloaded but have so many *more* things I want or need to do.


And now, the famous medical stuff! )
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Various things:


1. InsideCat.

She's...okay I guess. She seems to have plateaued and mostly now she sleeps. She doesn't come looking for hugs and company like she used to and she hasn't gone back to looking as spritely as we expect her to. Mind you, it is cold and the bed's the warmest spot. And she is 17.


2. I went out on Friday.

As in, all by myself because I felt like it. In the scooter. To a gallery. There's more but I'll tell you about it tomorrow, maybe.


3. The Crepe Myrtle.

A few days ago I mentioned that 10B had rescued a fucking huge crepe myrtle from certain death and I was wondering how Big Alison was going to react.

She was surprisingly calm. We walked over to it, she showed me a branch she'd already lopped off that had a split along it. Then she sort of tapped the tree with her clippers and gave me that spiel, the one known to tradies everywhere, in which they tell you your joists are fucked, your carburettor's rooted and there's no way you can run that programme with such a pissy amount of RAM.

Once you're looking suitably bemused, of course, they add that there's some asbestos to come out and you should be using Linux... but you could fix it all up if you really wanted...be a lot of work though... and she ran through the various signs that this tree was not in such fabulously good shape that saving it would be better than buying a smaller one.

After that she pointed out to me, with a surprising amount of empathy and kindness, that this is what happens with ornamental gardening. It is all about what's attractive right now, good and beautiful plants are always being turfed because their owners want something a different shade of pink, and that this used to bother her too but that no, Splozza, it's not the same as people getting rid of their puppies the moment they start to look like dogs not that anyone's calling you a drama queen.

It was really rather touching and I think I grew a little that day.

But today 10B cut the rest of the extraneous branches off and planted it for me round the side anyway. Crepe myrtle, whoo hoo! I saved something fabulous from wasteful destruction! I am my father's daughter.


4. The future.

One day Big Alison is going to stumble onto teh interweb and read what I say about our interactions and call me a lying scuzweasel. She'll be wrong, of course. I'm not saying I get it all word perfect but I get the spirit of it, the truth behind it all. And that's what matters.


5. Me.

I'm finally willing to say I'm not too bad thanks and that things have improved a bit. But everything's still in a state of flux. I honestly don't know what I am and am not capable of.

Last week I went to bed and was mostly asleep before midnight every single night. And up before 10:30 at the latest. This, for me, is rather spectacular.

I have spells now when there is nothing that is stopping my body from wanting to be used. Sometimes my legs and arms are literally aching to be pushed and flexed. Sit ups feel good. Okay, a sit up feels good.

Today, after 10B planted the tree I cleaned up. It involved shovelling a pile of dirt into the wheelbarrow, tipping it out elsewhere and sweeping the path. Three wheelbarrow loads! At one point my legs got weak and nearly gave way. I had to stop a lot because my legs were so weak and I got puffed so quickly. But it didn't feel like Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, it just felt like exercise.

Mind you, four hours later and my heart's still going faster than it should, so let's see how I am tomorrow. 10B did just suggest that my suggestion of an evening walk was perhaps not entirely prudent and I think he's right.

There's other stuff that I'll put in a medical post sometime soon.


6. You.

I think I'm getting a bit better at being out again. Last week I mentioned my wiggy, weird emotional reactions to social situations lately. (Um, apologies folks). I can't really explain this because I don't really understand what's happening myself, but I've started making mental notes of the situations that are and aren't likely to stress me out. The very act of doing this seems to have helped - I guess just making sure part of me is a fly on the wall is therapeutic in itself.

I've also started to notice where the emotional gaps in my life are. Hopefully once I've identifed these I can either close them or at least I can be a little more accepting of what I do have and not screw up other friendships because I'm hankering for types of support that can't come from that particular source.

Top end Gen X female entering middle age seeks parental figures willing to offer unconditional love and support, preferably pre-WW2 generation but will consider aging Boomers. Compassionate left-leaning political/social values required. Will trade for occasional loan of mobility scooter.

I wonder if I should throw in a couple of boxes of obscure mid-C20 theological texts as well.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Various things:


1. InsideCat.

She's...okay I guess. She seems to have plateaued and mostly now she sleeps. She doesn't come looking for hugs and company like she used to and she hasn't gone back to looking as spritely as we expect her to. Mind you, it is cold and the bed's the warmest spot. And she is 17.


2. I went out on Friday.

As in, all by myself because I felt like it. In the scooter. To a gallery. There's more but I'll tell you about it tomorrow, maybe.


3. The Crepe Myrtle.

A few days ago I mentioned that 10B had rescued a fucking huge crepe myrtle from certain death and I was wondering how Big Alison was going to react.

She was surprisingly calm. We walked over to it, she showed me a branch she'd already lopped off that had a split along it. Then she sort of tapped the tree with her clippers and gave me that spiel, the one known to tradies everywhere, in which they tell you your joists are fucked, your carburettor's rooted and there's no way you can run that programme with such a pissy amount of RAM.

Once you're looking suitably bemused, of course, they add that there's some asbestos to come out and you should be using Linux... but you could fix it all up if you really wanted...be a lot of work though... and she ran through the various signs that this tree was not in such fabulously good shape that saving it would be better than buying a smaller one.

After that she pointed out to me, with a surprising amount of empathy and kindness, that this is what happens with ornamental gardening. It is all about what's attractive right now, good and beautiful plants are always being turfed because their owners want something a different shade of pink, and that this used to bother her too but that no, Splozza, it's not the same as people getting rid of their puppies the moment they start to look like dogs not that anyone's calling you a drama queen.

It was really rather touching and I think I grew a little that day.

But today 10B cut the rest of the extraneous branches off and planted it for me round the side anyway. Crepe myrtle, whoo hoo! I saved something fabulous from wasteful destruction! I am my father's daughter.


4. The future.

One day Big Alison is going to stumble onto teh interweb and read what I say about our interactions and call me a lying scuzweasel. She'll be wrong, of course. I'm not saying I get it all word perfect but I get the spirit of it, the truth behind it all. And that's what matters.


5. Me.

I'm finally willing to say I'm not too bad thanks and that things have improved a bit. But everything's still in a state of flux. I honestly don't know what I am and am not capable of.

Last week I went to bed and was mostly asleep before midnight every single night. And up before 10:30 at the latest. This, for me, is rather spectacular.

I have spells now when there is nothing that is stopping my body from wanting to be used. Sometimes my legs and arms are literally aching to be pushed and flexed. Sit ups feel good. Okay, a sit up feels good.

Today, after 10B planted the tree I cleaned up. It involved shovelling a pile of dirt into the wheelbarrow, tipping it out elsewhere and sweeping the path. Three wheelbarrow loads! At one point my legs got weak and nearly gave way. I had to stop a lot because my legs were so weak and I got puffed so quickly. But it didn't feel like Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, it just felt like exercise.

Mind you, four hours later and my heart's still going faster than it should, so let's see how I am tomorrow. 10B did just suggest that my suggestion of an evening walk was perhaps not entirely prudent and I think he's right.

There's other stuff that I'll put in a medical post sometime soon.


6. You.

I think I'm getting a bit better at being out again. Last week I mentioned my wiggy, weird emotional reactions to social situations lately. (Um, apologies folks). I can't really explain this because I don't really understand what's happening myself, but I've started making mental notes of the situations that are and aren't likely to stress me out. The very act of doing this seems to have helped - I guess just making sure part of me is a fly on the wall is therapeutic in itself.

I've also started to notice where the emotional gaps in my life are. Hopefully once I've identifed these I can either close them or at least I can be a little more accepting of what I do have and not screw up other friendships because I'm hankering for types of support that can't come from that particular source.

Top end Gen X female entering middle age seeks parental figures willing to offer unconditional love and support, preferably pre-WW2 generation but will consider aging Boomers. Compassionate left-leaning political/social values required. Will trade for occasional loan of mobility scooter.

I wonder if I should throw in a couple of boxes of obscure mid-C20 theological texts as well.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Woke up at 8AM.

Went out. We drove here and there, we walked a bit.

Am killing time until it's reasonable to go to bed for the night. I figure 10PM is probably about right. It does mean, however, that I will probably wake up at 4AM, then want to sleep again at about 10AM. Which would be okay so long as I can keep it short and go to bed tomorrow night at 10PM again. It would be nice to have a normal sleep cycle. I think it might make my life a bit easier. And I'd get to see more daylight. But it is much easier said than done.

Mumph.

~~~

InsideCat(TM) is really sick. We're worried. Tests tomorrow. She went on medication for hyperthryoidism a couple of weeks ago, I'm sort of assuming that maybe she's had too much medication and her thyroid levels are now too low. She's lethargic, no appetite, and dry retching occasionally. A bit wobbly on her feet. But she is still drinking water. Whenever I think it's time to ring the vet in a panic, she gets up and does something normal and I relax.

She really doesn't need to lose any more weight.

Oh and a nasty little ulcer on her mouth just won't go away, even with an extended course of antibiotics.

~~~

Yep. Just holding out until bedtime and not particularly looking forward to what's in store this week.

Still, we had doughnuts today. And went out together, that was pretty cool. And saw people, if only briefly. And 10B has just declared it takeaway sushi night.
splodgenoodles: (Default)
Woke up at 8AM.

Went out. We drove here and there, we walked a bit.

Am killing time until it's reasonable to go to bed for the night. I figure 10PM is probably about right. It does mean, however, that I will probably wake up at 4AM, then want to sleep again at about 10AM. Which would be okay so long as I can keep it short and go to bed tomorrow night at 10PM again. It would be nice to have a normal sleep cycle. I think it might make my life a bit easier. And I'd get to see more daylight. But it is much easier said than done.

Mumph.

~~~

InsideCat(TM) is really sick. We're worried. Tests tomorrow. She went on medication for hyperthryoidism a couple of weeks ago, I'm sort of assuming that maybe she's had too much medication and her thyroid levels are now too low. She's lethargic, no appetite, and dry retching occasionally. A bit wobbly on her feet. But she is still drinking water. Whenever I think it's time to ring the vet in a panic, she gets up and does something normal and I relax.

She really doesn't need to lose any more weight.

Oh and a nasty little ulcer on her mouth just won't go away, even with an extended course of antibiotics.

~~~

Yep. Just holding out until bedtime and not particularly looking forward to what's in store this week.

Still, we had doughnuts today. And went out together, that was pretty cool. And saw people, if only briefly. And 10B has just declared it takeaway sushi night.

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