Jun. 29th, 2007

splodgenoodles: (Penelope intro)
When I was a kid I used to pray. I liked to start with "Dear God (In Heaven)" (yes, I always thought it in parentheses, I do that quite a bit). I was a fairly uptight child, always worried about things going astray, so I felt compelled to add in His address, just to be on the safe side.

Given I was a monotheist I'm not quite sure where the hell else I thought my prayers would go, but that's what I did.

~~~

So. Anyway. I still have boxes of my folks' now unwanted books. And a cupboard full. We've all pawed through them all and taken all the good ones and I'm now left with the remains.

~~~


Dear God (In Heaven),

What the fuck am I to do with all these books?

They're all about You, do You want them?

The guy from the theology library didn't actually groan out loud when I rang up and asked if they ever accepted donations, but I suspect he groaned as soon as I hung up. He probably banged his head on the desk too, and wished to You that people would understand that just because it's a theology library doesn't mean it's not a professional operation and doesn't mean it wants well meaning donations of trash. Not that that's what I was intending him to feel, as You are no doubt aware, but I suspect that's where his head is at on a Friday afternoon and I failed to anticipate his fragile state of mind and respond accordingly.

BTW, I promise I'll try not to torment anyone like that again.... although if You really wanted me to keep promises like that You could have given me better social skills (and maybe ESP), thanks for nothing.

My next stop will be the local secondhand bookstores but I'm not optimistic. Mostly these days the money's in old school sci-fi and vintage porn and nothing personal but you're neither.

Yeah, yeah, I know about the Song of Solomon and I know about Sodom and Gomorrah but the former is poetry and the latter was a huge disappointment for a repressed teenage girl, and none of this stuff looks to be about that stuff anyway.

Addit.: And arguing that creation + apocalypse is sci fi? I think the local book dealers would argue it's is more in the realm of anthropology and as You well know, no one in my family would be prepared to argue otherwise not even for a joke. And we know You wouldn't either, because You aren't that sort of God. So putting it into my head that I should try arguing that it's really double-plus extra vintage sci-fi (or porn, see above) for the sake of earning a few quid was really rather evil of You. You're tempting me enough with Captain Jack, so kindly lay off on the rest of it.


And You know I can't throw books away, it's a sin. You know that.

So take this burden from me, please?


Amen from Splodge (on Earth, although it's been feeling decidely warm lately...have I been demoted?)



PS. About that other stack of books in the cupboard - the history ones. Every time I try and haul those out at least five more leap out and onto the shelves and I have to put them away in a hurry before the other books get any ideas. We have a house full of unread books already. Enough is enough with the biblio-torment don't you think?
splodgenoodles: (Default)
When I was a kid I used to pray. I liked to start with "Dear God (In Heaven)" (yes, I always thought it in parentheses, I do that quite a bit). I was a fairly uptight child, always worried about things going astray, so I felt compelled to add in His address just to be on the safe side.

Given I was a monotheist I'm not quite sure where the hell else I thought my prayers would go, but that's what I did.

~~~

So. Anyway. I still have boxes of my folks' now unwanted books. And a cupboard full. We've all pawed through them all and taken all the good ones and I'm now left with the remains.

~~~


Dear God (In Heaven),

What the fuck am I to do with all these books?

They're all about You, do You want them?

The guy from the theology library didn't actually groan out loud when I rang up and asked if they ever accepted donations, but I suspect he groaned as soon as I hung up. He probably banged his head on the desk too, and wished to You that people would understand that just because it's a theology library doesn't mean it's not a professional operation and doesn't mean it wants well meaning donations of trash. Not that that's what I was intending him to feel, as You are no doubt aware, but I suspect that's where his head is at on a Friday afternoon and I failed to anticipate his fragile state of mind and respond accordingly.

BTW, I promise I'll try not to torment anyone like that again.... although if You really wanted me to keep promises like that You could have given me better social skills (and maybe ESP), thanks for nothing.

My next stop will be the local secondhand bookstores but I'm not optimistic. Mostly these days the money's in old school sci-fi and vintage porn and nothing personal but you're neither.

Yeah, yeah, I know about the Song of Solomon and I know about Sodom and Gomorrah but the former is poetry and the latter was a huge disappointment for a repressed teenage girl, and none of this stuff looks to be about that stuff anyway.

Addit.: And arguing that creation + apocalypse is sci fi? I think the local book dealers would argue it's is more in the realm of anthropology and as You well know, no one in my family would be prepared to argue otherwise not even for a joke. And we know You wouldn't either, because You aren't that sort of God. So putting it into my head that I should try arguing that it's really double-plus extra vintage sci-fi (or porn, see above) for the sake of earning a few quid was really rather evil of You. You're tempting me enough with Captain Jack, so kindly lay off on the rest of it.


And You know I can't throw books away, it's a sin. You know that.

So take this burden from me, please?


Amen from Splodge (on Earth, although it's been feeling decidely warm lately...have I been demoted?)



PS. About that other stack of books in the cupboard - the history ones. Every time I try and haul those out at least five more leap out and onto the shelves and I have to put them away in a hurry before the other books get any ideas. We have a house full of unread books already. Enough is enough with the biblio-torment don't you think?

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