Aug. 8th, 2014 10:08 pm
splodgenoodles: (Default)
[personal profile] splodgenoodles
Fuzzychops got an appetite stimulant yesterday, but she's still not eating. Worse, she is hungry, and keeps prompting me for food. Hopefully it's just a glitch, we've had glitches before.

I'm well aware she's getting to the end of her comfortable life, and aware that at some point I'll have to decide it's time. And it's upsetting me tonight. It could be months away, but it's still upsetting me.

There will come a point when appetite stimulants aren't enough. Everytime this happens, I worry that it's right now.

Last night she woke me up a few times to mew in an unusual way, she seemed to be jolting awake in discomfort. Today she was quite insistent about clambering onto me while I was first online, and only settled with a long stretch of tight squeezing, which experience tells me is something she craves when she's in distress.

So once again, I have to look at her eating habits, then set a date by which time her eating needs to return to normal or I need to take action, because there's no way I'm putting her through the poor quality of life my last cat went through just because 10B and I couldn't face the prospect of her loss.

A while ago, a very kind vet pointed out that he thinks people generally wait too long before they take the final step. I can see his point: from the point of view of an animal, that level of suffering of seriously end-stage renal failure is meaningless. So once I decide it's time, I needn't feel guilt about letting her go too soon. She won't actually know, she won't actually be afraid.

It's really just a question of whether she is comfortable enough to enjoy her life, or not.

But I will try to be strong when the time comes, and remember that choosing when her time has come is a genuine and loving gift to give her, the best thanks I can give for everything she's given me.

I hope I can do that, anyway...

(That's unusually shmaltzy for Splodge,no? It's okay, I'll be back to normal soon enough.)

I do appreciate I've probably said all this before, and I'll probably go through it all again, but this girl and I have been through a lot together so rumination is inevitable.


splodgenoodles: (Default)

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